Solvent and … er … No, I’m Not Doing the Mugwort Joke

[#dontask]

This is not really a note about middle age and being completely detached from my cohort, but, sure, it can feel like it. In my life and times, “Goop” is this stuff you find in auto garages and other places people handle motor parts with oil and grease all over them; you clean your hands with it, and seems a better option than dipping your hands in a tub of solvents, which people probably still do. I saw the logo on a restroom accessory not long ago; in truth, it was only significant enough to note, remarkable enough to be fulfilled in remarking upon it, because I don’t spend a lot of time cleaning auto parts, and only ever see the stuff when wandering through a store looking for motor oil or a light bulb.

All of which, of course, means I had no idea what the headline meant: “The 23 Most Ridiculous Moments in Goop History, Ranked”:

What began nearly ten years ago as actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s weekly newsletter of various rich-people frivolities has morphed into a full-fledged lifestyle and “wellness” empire, doling out dubious health advice, selling $15,000 vibrators, and generally enraging scientists and people who aren’t a part of the one percent. Most recently, the watchdog group Truth in Advertising filed a formal complaint asking regulators to look into the company.

A Note on Politics and Accountability (NRA Responsible Rhetoric Remix)

One of the wilder variables in the American political discourse is figuring out just how inappropriate any given impropriety actually is, which in functional terms translates to just how wrong or outrageous the marektplace―citizens and voters―will deem any particular words or conduct. Alice Ollstein of ThinkProgress offers a tale that brings this seeming bit of superficiality into some reasonable degree of focus:

Just a few hours after congressional candidate John Oceguera announced he was terminating his lifetime membership with the National Rifle Association, the angry comments began flooding his inbox and Facebook page, calling him, among other slurs, a “pussy traitor,” “kool aid-drinking zombie,” and “libtard.”

“May be [sic] he can get an endorsement from the Muslim brotherhood?” mused one commentator, while another advised, “Castrate yourself.”

Sitting in his office on the western edge of Las Vegas, the former Nevada Assembly Speaker and Democratic candidate for Congress told ThinkProgress that the “vitriolic” reaction has only strengthened his resolve.

“The NRA does a lot of good things, like with hunting safety, but they’ve just become so stringent and won’t compromise on any issue,” he said. “It’s like you can’t say anything about commonsense gun reform without people screaming, ‘You’re taking our guns!’ or ‘You’re an idiot’ or a lot worse than that. When I made this announcement, I became enemy number one. But do I really want to belong to an organization where I can’t have an opinion that’s just slightly different?”

There are a number of superficial things we might say about candidates and causes, to the one, and the supporters thereof to another, but in this case we might ask a less common superficial question: President Obama has been expected, in some corners of the legitimate discourse, to account for all manner of idiotic notions; the New Black Panthers and the “Obamaphone” wannabe-scandals come to mind. There is this weird idea out there that any criticism of the president is denounced as racist. In various ways we often hold certain people or causes accountable for the words and actions of others, but this isn’t even a question of whether rock music turns children into mass-murdering Satanic maniacs versus the effects of normalized violent rhetoric on unstable elements within the culture.

Rather, this is like Obamaphone, or the New Black Panthers. Do those people represent the average Obama or Democratic voter?

Similarly: Does the abuse hurled toward Congressional candidate, Assemblyman, and former Assembly Speaker John Oceguera (D-16) represent the average responsible gun owner?

This is the point: If the answer is yes, then the United States of America are in serious trouble.

An Annoying Sort of Friend

This is a mystery … we hope:

Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker (R) said Monday that he’d be willing to sign a 20-week abortion ban without exceptions for rape or incest, adding that women were mostly concerned about those issues “in the initial months” of pregnancy, television station WKOW reported.

“I mean, I think for most people who are concerned about that, it’s in the initial months where they’re most concerned about it,” Walker said of pregnancies caused by rape and incest.

“In this case, again, it’s an unborn life, it’s an unborn child and that’s why we feel strongly about it,” Walker said. “I’m prepared to sign it either way that they send it to us.”

(Garcia)

We are possibly witnessing a spaghetti-meet-wall moment in conservative politics as the various factions of social conservatism dealing with sex and gender undergo what seems a complete meltdown. Mr. Walker is emblematic. The Cowardly Clown decided to come out swinging on this issue, going on conservative radio to explain that using force of law to put things in women’s vaginas was “just a cool thing out there”. And for whatever reason, he wants this fight; he went back to the same radio program to push his case. It was a particularly dishonest sleight, at that, suggesting the law “doesn’t designate which type” of ultrasound, but transvaginal is the standard medical procedure. Additionally, as Steve Benen explained, “no one’s opposed to ultrasounds in general, but plenty of people are opposed to state-mandated, medically unnecessary procedures imposed by right-wing politicians who choose to interfere with the doctor-patient relationship as part of a larger culture war”.

Remember that the purpose of this is to subject women to an unnecessary medical procedure, the standard method involving vaginal penetration by a foreign object, under force of law and with the intention of persuasion.

Yet Mr. Walker is not finished finding ways to molest women for the sake of his own moral satisfaction.

Idaho Style

Please, no.

No more. Please.

A North Idaho lawmaker drew national attention Monday when he received a brief lesson on female anatomy after asking if a woman can swallow a small camera for doctors to conduct a remote gynecological exam.

Dr. Julie Madsen, who was testifying in opposition to anti-abortion legislation that Rep. Vito Barbieri, R-Dalton Gardens, supports, said no, explaining, “When you swallow a pill, it would not end up in the vagina.”

“Fascinating. That certainly makes sense, doctor,” Barbieri told Madsen, amid hoots of laughter from the crowd. The exchange came during a three-hour hearing on HB 154, which would add restrictions to medication-induced abortions in Idaho, specifically aimed at preventing them from occurring via telemedicine in what opponents dubbed “web cam abortions.”

But Barbieri said later that his question was rhetorical, and he knew the answer.

(Russell)

Please, Rep. Barbieri, and Republicans everywhere from sea to shining sea, and beyond, as such, er, you know, I mean, whatever, you know, never mind.

Just … stop.

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Image note: “Ukelele no good” ― Detail of frame from FLCL, episode 3, “Marquis de Carabas”, because, you know, now why was it, again?

Russell, Betsy Z. “Idaho rep’s question on abortion bill draws national attention”. The Spokesman-Review. 23 February 2015.

Something About … Wait a Minute, What?

Right.

Okay, so does anybody remember in the early nineties, FOX ran a sketch comedy show called The Edge? It wasn’t around long, but all sketch comedy ventures have at least one good bit, and for The Edge it was “The Judds” singing about douches in a fake television spot. You remember, the awkward conversations? “Mama, do you ever have those days …”?

You’re welcome.

But the sketch continues and the mom and daughter team go on to sing about douching. Even water spraying from the microphones. It ends with the usual masculine voiceover: “Now in Summer Breeze, Forest Pine, and new Smokey Oakey Barbecue!”

The number of people who continue to use douche and douchebag as an insult this many years after Booger Dawson help keep that memory reasonably fresh.

Ha!

Er, yeah. Anyway. Right.

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Via Huffington Post.

Image detail via Multi Cult Classics.