Monday Night Football

Dubious Perfection

Rick Reilly: New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford bench-presses, drops 190-pound ESPN writerWe do not, it is true, give Facebook much for appreciation. Most days, the reason for this is perfectly obvious to, well, pretty much anyone.α At the same time, though, given the numbers, it is a statistical inevitability that the Big Blue F will eventually provide some reward of utility, such as, well, two seconds’ worth of chuckle that might compel one to wonder why anyone would bother with the small handful of minutes required to blog it.

Well, you know, to the one there is the news about video games. But that’s the sort of news one can pass by word of mouth. The real gem is the NFL news:

Rick Reilly: New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford bench-presses, drops 190-pound ESPN writer

That is to say, come on, that is … er … um … perfect.

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α To the other, we should probably clarify that we are, in fact, referring to a mere subset of Facebook users; the joke would pretend the rest either don’t exist or, simply, are instruments of that giant Zucking sound swallowing loads of data over the course of any given millisecond. In this case we refer to Facebook users who only ever took up the website at all because, for some strange reason, there came a day when all their friends suddenly disappeared, and when phone, SMS, email, and even driving over to their place to see if they’re okay all failed, well, it turned out that they were all on Facebook, and that became the most reliable way to find them. Of course, communication is a two-way street; one might contact, say, the former partner about routine matters of child rearing and actually expect a reply. And if we are not thankful for the bountiful replies featuring cats being cute by disgracing their own names, one can only wonder who the f@ck ever thought we should be.