The Donald Trump Show (Total Devastation)

“A spokesman for Christie denied he was a manservant.”

―Andrew Kaczynski

Two important points:

• Do you really want to know what that sentence means?

• Okay, look, the thing I still can’t figure out about the phantom candidate conspiracy theory is why. Still, though, it occurs to wonder at the actual reason Donald Trump has every appearance of trying to destroy the Republican Party. The bizarre bits and pieces we hear about Chris Christie seem nearly emblematic. Whatever hell the New Jersey governor’s reputation had already discovered one wonders at the penance of such humiliation in Donald Trump’s shadow. That the Republican nominee apparent is so vicious is beyond doubt, but what does Mr. Christie think he’s doing? Or Republicans, for that matter? The RNC, many congressional Republicans, and various prominent voices in the conservative discourse seemed to shrug and roll, shuffling in line behind their party’s primary winner. And then what happened? Look at what Donald Trump is doing to conservatives. This is astounding. This is unimaginable. This is your Republican Party, and if it wasn’t for the fact that they were Republicans we probably ought to pity them right about now. I mean, sure, for a lot of the rest of us our diverse grievances against and disputes with Donald Trump are pretty clear, but what the hell did the GOP do to piss him off this badly?

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Kaczynski, Andrew. “Scott Brown Says He Won’t Fetch Trump’s McDonalds Like Christie (Reportedly) Did”. BuzzFeed. 15 June 2016.

Suggestive of a Problem (Righteous Rebel Remix)

Sometimes I think it really is just about action-hero fantasies imagining some good reason to kill people.

Glenn Beck’s radio program has been suspended from its SiriusXM simulcast after Beck described the election of Donald Trump as a “possible extinction-level event for capitalism” during an interview with a guest who suggested that a “patriot” will then need to “step up” and “remove him from office.”

During Wednesday’s “Glenn Beck Radio Program,” guest and conservative fiction author Brad Thor said he “guarantees” that the presumptive Republican presidential nominee would temporarily suspend the Constitution if elected president, calling the controversial candidate a “danger to America.”

“This could bring down incredible heat on me because I’m about to suggest something very bad―it is a hypothetical I’m going to ask as a thriller writer,” Thor said. “With the feckless, spineless Congress we have, who will stand in the way of Donald Trump overstepping his constitutional authority as President? If Congress won’t remove him from office, what patriot will step up and do that? If―if―he overstates his constitutionally-granted authority I should say as president, if he oversteps that, how do we get him out of office? I don’t think there is a legal means available. I think it will be a terrible, terrible position the American people will be in to get Trump out of office, because you won’t be able to do it through Congress.”

Instead of following up on Thor’s remark about Trump’s “removal” from office, Beck simply said he agreed before going on to say that he believed the economy would “reset” and decline “even if Jesus were in office.”

(Tesfaye)

True (McDignity Mix)

Yes, there really is such a thing as “McTeacher Night”; I’ve seen one, before. And, yes, the fast food joint invites the students from a local school to come over and order food from their teachers.

To the one, there is an old slogan about the day the schools have the money they need and the Air Force needs to hold a bake sale to buy a bomber. It’s been around for a while; posters, bumper stickers, t-shirts―the whole nine yards. One wonders at the potential hullabaloo if we sent some military recruiters to do the same.

To the other, if you have ever witnessed one of these events, it might seem plainly evident why so many people back teachers in contract disputes. This really is asking too much of schoolteachers, yet they will put on their shining classroom smiles and face their students in good faith and the best possible spirit.

When it comes time to remind children to do whatever it takes to get the job done, perhaps we don’t often enough point to their teachers as examples because we are ashamed of what communities demand.

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Image note: Detail of cartoon by Jen Sorensen, via Daily Kos, 19 May 2016.

The Only Explanation That Counts

Explanations come and go, but this is the only one that counts: It’s Bug Martini.

And, you know, of all the things to waste the pun on, well, yeah. That’s our Adam.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 16 December 2015.

Recommended Holiday Reading

E.J. Dionne Jr. opens his Labor Day column for the Washington Post with a basic reflection:

Many conservatives and most libertarians argue that every new law or regulation means that government is adding to the sum total of oppression and reducing the freedom of individuals.

This way of looking at things greatly simplifies the political debate. Domestic issues are boiled down to the question of whether someone is “pro-government” or “anti-government.”

Alas for the over-simplifiers, it’s an approach that misreads the nature of the choices that regulators, politicians and citizens regularly face. It ignores that the market system itself could not exist without the rules that government establishes, beginning with statutes protecting private property and also the various measures against the use of force and fraud in business and individual transactions.

More important, it overlooks the ways in which the steps government takes often empower citizens and expand their rights. Nowhere is this more obvious than in the realm of work.

It’s Labor Day, so there is no required reading. Might I, then, strongly encourage Mr. Dionne’s holiday offering?

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Image note: Hey, I’ve been there! ― McPoverty protesters outside Wendy’s restaurant on Lake City Way in Seattle on Thursday, Feb. 20. (Photo: Joshua McNichols/KUOW)

Dionne Jr., E. J. “The right question to ask about government”. The Washington Post. 6 September 2015.

A Coffee Conundrum

Living deep in the heart of the Starbucks Territory, we might suggest Roberto A. Ferdman’s entry for Wonkblog brings no surprise:

With upscale artisanal coffee brewers dotting city streets across the country, America might fancy itself a nation of high-end coffee drinkers.

But just the opposite is true: People in this country, on the whole, are actually drinking worse coffee today than they have in the past. And the reason appears to be that they value cheapness over quality — and convenience over everything. “A lot of people in America would take a sip of single origin high-end coffee and not appreciate the taste,” said Howard Telford, an industry analyst at market research firm Euromonitor.

We should at least take the moment to guard against misinterpretation. Ferdman notes―

Even as Starbucks continues to plant coffee shops around the country, other artisanal coffee businesses — chained or not — continue to grow in cities like New York, San Francisco and Los Angeles (think Blue Bottle, Stumptown and the like).

―which, in turn, might offer some the impression that Starbucks’ coffee is good. It is not.

Think of it this way: There is a reason McDonald’s is trying to compete with Starbucks with their “McCafe” branding and advertising. Starbucks is the McDonald’s of coffee.

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Ferdman, Roberto A. “It’s true: Americans like to drink bad coffee”. The Washington Post. 24 February 2015.

An Exorcism: I Read It, So You Must, Too

To the one, trivia can be fun.

To the other, it is occasionally a bit unsettling that, well, right. I mean, somebody had to write it down.

Consider it this way: Todd Van Luling’s HuffPo article about “5 Plot Holes You Never Noticed In ‘Star Wars'” is, in its own way, kind of fascinating. Sure, it’s pedantically snobby, and presumes Star Wars viewers are complete morons, but it is not an endeavor without merit. The amount of work it takes to fill the column inches trying to make this sort of stuff sound intellectual complicated should not be understated.

Or perhaps that isn’t fair; those of us who have had the whole thirty-seven years to watch and dream about these films until we’re sick of them are accustomed to this sort of trivial addiction. You know, like that one kid we all knew who collected everything Star Wars, and then used his collection to pay for college. Oh, wait, actually that was kind of smart. Never mind.

But for the youngest generation, who arrived after the prequel trilogy, this stuff might be news. After all, they weren’t there to hear everyone grumbling about the lack of continuity between the two episode blocs as they walked back to their cars after the show.

Then again, in this economy, with a jobless recovery, who can blame a guy for taking what work he can get?

Again, that is probably unfair. But articles like these always recall a curious episode from over a decade ago, before CNN Headline News became the HLN monstrosity you find playing on the flatscreens in a bourgeois McDonald’s. Late autumn, 2003 or so. There’s a war on. The phrase, “I died a little inside”, had not yet risen to fashionable heights. Or maybe it had. A new young reporter gets his first big shot on the air, and he’s stuck doing a report on which sweaters will look best on your small dog during the Christmas season. Which, in turn, is enough to inspire a recollection of the old Wayne Cotter joke about masturbating a fish.^α

We should probably take it easy on Van Luling. To the one, it’s a job. To the other, yeah, it’s also just a bit creepy. Flip a coin.

Our apologies, though, Mr. Van Luling. And, honestly? If you can explain to me why anyone in the Universe would wear their hair like Leia’s, that would be a piece of trivia worth more than a Claven on a barstool.^β

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^α What, you want trivia? Find that joke. It’s sublime.

^β It’s called mixing metaphors, an exercise that, as this example shows, should be undertaken with great caution, and only under extremely necessary circumstances. Otherwise it ends up looking like that.

Van Luling, Todd. “5 Plot Holes You Never Noticed In ‘Star Wars'”. The Huffington Post. 21 October 2014.