Internet Archive

Dubious Perfection

Rick Reilly: New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford bench-presses, drops 190-pound ESPN writerWe do not, it is true, give Facebook much for appreciation. Most days, the reason for this is perfectly obvious to, well, pretty much anyone.α At the same time, though, given the numbers, it is a statistical inevitability that the Big Blue F will eventually provide some reward of utility, such as, well, two seconds’ worth of chuckle that might compel one to wonder why anyone would bother with the small handful of minutes required to blog it.

Well, you know, to the one there is the news about video games. But that’s the sort of news one can pass by word of mouth. The real gem is the NFL news:

Rick Reilly: New York Giants punter Steve Weatherford bench-presses, drops 190-pound ESPN writer

That is to say, come on, that is … er … um … perfect.


α To the other, we should probably clarify that we are, in fact, referring to a mere subset of Facebook users; the joke would pretend the rest either don’t exist or, simply, are instruments of that giant Zucking sound swallowing loads of data over the course of any given millisecond. In this case we refer to Facebook users who only ever took up the website at all because, for some strange reason, there came a day when all their friends suddenly disappeared, and when phone, SMS, email, and even driving over to their place to see if they’re okay all failed, well, it turned out that they were all on Facebook, and that became the most reliable way to find them. Of course, communication is a two-way street; one might contact, say, the former partner about routine matters of child rearing and actually expect a reply. And if we are not thankful for the bountiful replies featuring cats being cute by disgracing their own names, one can only wonder who the f@ck ever thought we should be.

One More Reason to Screw Facebook

Best ... pinball machine ... ever.

To: Ms. Stephanie Rogers, a.k.a. “Bride of Pinbot”

re: (sigh)

It is my regretful duty to inform you that Facebook thinks you’re diseased. My apologies on that count.

To the other, and long overdue: Thank you. No, really, these years later Bride of Pinbot remains at a pinnacle of memory; it was simply our favorite pinball machine, ever. I haven’t polled lately, but it might well still be. In truth, I haven’t found anything over the years to compare.

I had intended to make a BoP joke in a message to a friend, and figured to see what the internet had on (ahem!) the ol’ girl. It is a delight beyond expression to find the soundfile, which in turn reminds that we rarely get to offer our thanks, at least until we remember that this isn’t 1991, anymore, and there’s an internet thingamabobber out there.

As it is, however, my first thought was, “Wow, my brother needs this!” So I figured to simply Facebook the the link.

My spectacular statement probably needs some serious revision; Facebook seems to think is diseased, and would rather we not post such links. In truth, I hadn’t known that the Internet Archive and the people associated with it were so dangerous.

Still, though, it is a disappointment. I’ll have to resort to more traditional and ancient methods of communication, such as email. Or … oh, hey, I guess I can always Facebook this post, which will lead my brother and friends back to the soundfiles, anyway, but that’s also kind of arrogant. Then again, so is presuming that I can randomly pop off an STD joke to an actress I’ve never met.

Whine, whine, mumble, murmur.

The important part, though, is to say, Thank you. Your voice is a memory I shall treasure forever.

Facebook doesn't like the Internet Archive