hatemonger

A Conservative Malady

Is there any sight in the world that could possibly compare to a diva pitching a blind ego tantrum?

Mr. Bill has been dismayed by the relentless barrage of homosexicans cramming gay marriage down supple Christian throats, and the unstoppable onslaught being waged against our nation’s brave bigot bakers.

Our valiant warrior for Christ has decided to take a stand, but not a stand in the way that a normal, constructive human being would do. Rather, he is taking a stand in the same way that those college Republicans do all the time with their racist bake sales: by being a spiteful prick.

In an effort to prove that the gays are just as hateful as Christians and therefore QED ispo facto it’s totally cool to not let them have rights, Mr. Bill has filed a discrimination complaint against a Denver baker who denied him his civil rights of having “God Hates Gays” on a cake.

Or so explains Fare la Volpe explains for Wonkette, and you know, we might pause to wonder about that tendency among conservatives to go around pitching this sort of fit and simply failing to comprehend the difference.

Conservative Accommodation PlacardSo, this is my offer: Tell you what: We’ll give you what you want. You can be just as big a social disease as you want. But there’s a trade-out. To make certain people aren’t abusing the priviliges, we’ll need to create a registry. Just bring evidence that you are a registered Republican, and we will give you a placard, you know, blue with a little white wheelchair on it. And being dangerously, comedically stupid will be the special accommodation you get for admitting you have to be psychiatrically disabled in order to believe the crap you’re pushing.

(more…)

A Cute and Cuddly Bunny

Sometimes it just isn’t a mystery. To wit, former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee, who says his opposition to marriage equality is not homophobia, but, rather, a matter of being on the right side of the Bible, which is in turn a wholly arbitrary standard. True, it does say, somewhere in there, that God really doesn’t like buggery and such, but it also says other things, like—

Cuddles McBunny-WunnyEvery one who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

(Luke 16.18, RSV)

—and—

Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived; neither the immoral, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor sexual perverts, nor thieves, nor the greedy, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor robbers will inherit the kingdom of God.

(1 Corinthians 6.9-10, RSV)

—and we might want to note, just for the sake of formality, that Huckabee, who feels confident enough in his biblical outlook regarding sinful lifestyles that he would question President Obama’s faith over marriage equality endorsed an adulterer named John McCain in the 2008 election, and carries on a creepy love affair with the ghost of an adulterer named Ronald Reagan. Which, in the end, is nothing particularly unusual, which in turn makes an excellent example of why there is no mystery about Mr. Fish’s latest cartoon.

____________________

Fish, Mr. “Hare Care”. Clowncrack. April 11, 2014.

CNN Political Unit. “Mike Huckabee: Not ‘homophobic’ but on the ‘right side of the Bible'”. Political Ticker. April 8, 2014.

Allen, Mike. “Huckabee called homosexuality ‘sinful'”. Politico. December 8, 2007.

Gentilviso, Chris. “Mike Huckabee Calls Out Obama’s ‘Christian Convictions’ On Gay Marriage”. The Huffington Post. April 12, 2014.

Maloy, Simon. “Huckabee’s Reagan Cartoon: Disco Muggers And American Exceptionalism”. Media Matters for America. August 11, 2011.

Novak, Robert. “McCain, Huckabee and the Evangelicals”. Townhall. May 12, 2008.

Image credit: Detail of image by Mr. Fish.

Seventy-Five Pounds of Dope

“You’d need at least four or five immigrants, and mango-sized calves would do just fine.”

Ryan Kearney

One of the challenges facing the armchair pundit, or even average voter in this age of industrial-grade politics is that one can effectively legitimize scandalous behavior through saturation marketing. Whether it’s waxing romantic about the wetbacks on his father’s farm, or finding women—invariably past their own fertile years—willing to say that Todd Akin and Richard Mourdock were right, or sending Rep. Marsha Blackburn out to put a feminine face on the proposition that women don’t actually want equal pay for equal work, Republicans just can’t seem to keep from choking on their own toes.

To catch every one of King’s offensive statements, one would need an army of trackers. To keep an accurate record of the insanity coming from the GOP’s vociferous hardline right wing would require career decisions.

Still, though, in the end, well, come on.

Lost in all the jokes about cantaloupes, though, was the real absurdity in King’s quote: that anyone could conceivably carry 75 pounds of pot. Seventy-five pounds of marijuanaTrue, the weight itself is not necessarily prohibitive, though it would take a very fit, hydrated person to carry that much through the desert. But dried marijuana, no matter how “dank” its buds are, is not a heavy product by volume. Which is to say, it takes a lot of pot to get to 75 pounds. How much, exactly? This picture, from a 2011 post in Kansas City alt-weekly The Pitch about a highway bust, shows exactly that weight in marijuana. No backpack is large enough to fit this much bud. You’d need at least four or five immigrants, and mango-sized calves would do just fine.

I mean, you know. Any excuse to post a picture of seventy-five pounds of sweet and kind.

Many thanks to Ryan Kearney of The New Republic for putting that lovely two and two together.

And, yes, I would laugh if that was trafficked over from Kansas.