Bug Martini

The Buggiest Pun Yet

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 6 September 2016.So … right.

You probably don’t want to know.

Except you know you do, don’t you?

Mmm. Naughty, naughty.

It’s okay. You can blame Adam.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 6 September 2016.

Two Years Late (Buggin’ Weiner Mix)

Adam Huber, Bug Martini, 25 August 2014.So … right. I happened across this detail that I set aside on a different hard drive, for some reason, a couple years ago, and never posted. Or something like that. Never blogged, at least.

I wonder what the hell I did with it?

But, yeah, anyway, I found it the other day while looking for a different picture that I apparently never did upload, though I couldn’t tell you why, nor even remember what image I was looking for. Never mind.

Don’t blame Adam; I’m sure it’s a fascinating story.

No, seriously, I couldn’t tell you.

Actually, why not take a stab with something about weiner and frosting.

Clickbait, sure, but it’s worth it.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 25 August 2014.

The Dynamite Martini Show

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 1 July 2016.You know, this was actually a Brexit joke, and at the time, sure, it seemed to have myriad other applications, most notably attitudes toward Donald Trump.

Think back, though. Try to remember what Donald Trump was doing and saying that had everybody horrified, mortified, terrified, apoplectic and wide-eyed. Two months. What trumpaholic trumptacle possessed the headlines two months ago?

Fraud and plagiarism, mostly. As July loomed, the Trump University scandal also tumbled into the Trump Institute branding scandal, something about “heebajeebees”, and questions of competence involving basic arithmetic that also happen to come up at a time when Donald Trump himself could be heard wondering aloud, “Why am I not doing better in the polls?”

As we looked toward July, people still wondered if maybe it would all sort itself out; Mitt Romney even piped up, revealing that one of his sons told him, “You’ve gotta get in, Dad, you’ve gotta get in”.

Naturally, things have only gone downhill from there. Certes, some articles of faith can become dangerous under particular circumstances or according to particular scale, but it really is a comfortable temptation. The superstitious would eye November as the next chance for this all to work itself out.

Never mind. Something about filler goes here. And no, we can’t actually blame Adam.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 1 July 2016.

Benen, Steve. “Trump vows to look into Muslim ‘Heebeejabees'”. msnbc. 1 July 2016.

Martin, Jonathan. “Trump Institute Offered Get-Rich Schemes With Plagiarized Lessons”. 29 June 2016.

Tani, Maxwell. “Mitt Romney: My son emailed me yesterday telling me to run for president”. Business Insider. 29 June 2016.

Adam in an Evening Gown

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 16 August 2016.Must I absolutely have a reason?

The upside, of course, is that Adam waited an extra day before going Garbo, and on some valence the existential reality of the Universe thanks him.

I know, I know. Kind of like God saying, “Thanks a bunch for being my tool!” Adam has fewer excuses than Job, but nobody had to dare the Lord to give the Bugmeister some Bozo feet.

No, seriously. Oughta teach God to brag. And something goes here about Adam and complaining into cosplay.

You’re welcome.

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Image note: Triptych ― Top to bottom: Bug in Life, Buggy Warbucks, Adam of Green Gables; detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 16 August 2016.

Pessimism

Detail of Bug Martini, by Adam Huber, 23 June 2016.Perhaps this is a time to wonder if it is possible to be too pessimistic about things?

I mean, sure, to the one, there is always reason for pessimism; these are the Olympic Games, after all. Still, though, damn. You don’t need to tell Adam to let it all out; he’s way ahead of you.

I mean, damn.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 23 June 2016.

Two Bugs in an Office with a Severed Head

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 4 May 2016.You know, this time we don’t get to blame Adam; the white-collar rank and file would not have these problems if they had collective bargaining rights.

On the upside, the old lady was already dead; it’s not like the li’l bugger went on a spree.

Which raises another point about spree violence: Economic security might help reduce the number of incidents. So would good mental health benefits.

No, I don’t really have a plan for accomplishing all that, but, hey, if Bernie Sanders can make it this far without studying his own platform, it seems worth mentioning.

Yeah, you know, maybe I should just stick with bad puns and perverse vapidity for filler.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 4 May 2016.

Just a Distraction

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 8 April 2016.Ten days.

There. There’s your filler, right there.

I passed on this ten days ago because I didn’t feel like writing any filler material, and come on, just how many crappy jokes can I make about the Buttmobile?

And if you would be so kind, please don’t ask what made me recall the poop joke.

Besides, you wouldn’t believe. You wouldn’t believe.

But I still get to blame Adam.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 8 April 2016.

Adam’s Fault (New Jack)

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 24 March 2016.Some days, the best you can do is a heap of clichés:

• I got nothin’.

• Do you really want to know?

• Blame Adam.

See what I mean? There are other jokes, of course, but this is a family blog.

Oh, wait. Not really. I mean, I wouldn’t preclude it outright, but neither is it difficult to imagine the complaints.

(more…)

Buglife

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 22 February 2016.To the one, jokes about the ravages of age, generally speaking, and the horror of middle age more particularly, are proverbial low-hanging fruit, and, sure you’re welcome to do a testicle joke, here.

Oh, right. Low-hanging fruit. Adam Huber. But, you know, no testicle joke.

Just, you know, a bug swallowing an ice tray.

Oh, wait. That’s not right. Besides, does anybody under forty know what an ice tray is?

Never mind. Something about a bag of party ice would be pushing it. But, yeah, there is this weird time in memory, between ice trays and ice makers, when everyone seemed to have a bag of ice in their freezer. Oh, right. And sixteen random cooler packs, none of which matched the cooler they actually hauled out when occasion demanded.

Because the one reliable thing about middle age is that it leaves you feeling like a ranting old fart.

Goddamn cooler pack landfill nightmares.

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Image note: Lordy, Lordy ― Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 22 February 2016.