“Whatever Mike Moon does with a chicken in the privacy of his home is his own business. But we will not let him use the rights of women across Missouri as some kind of political prop. His call to ban abortion is disturbing and dangerous, no matter what he does with that chicken.”
Pedantry, or, Skitting the Trump Fantastic
#trumpswindle | #WhatTheyVotedFor
“Donald Trump is poised to become the first American in history to headline a presidential inauguration and payoff the victims of an allegedly fraudulent scam in the same week.”
It seems pedantic enough to wonder if “payoff” really should be one word in this particular usage. As a compound word, we are more accustomed to a noun, that something is a payoff, while the verb remains two words, to pay off.
Never mind. Compared to the obvious point, ossification creates a risk of spilling beer on skittles far too great to warrant boning the point like that.
Image note: Donald Trump awaits his introduction at the 2005 launch of Trump University. (Detail of photo by Bebeto Matthews/Associated Press)
Benen, Steve. “Details emerge on ‘Trump University’ settlement”. msnbc. 21 December 2016.
The Buggiest Pun Yet
You probably don’t want to know.
Except you know you do, don’t you?
Mmm. Naughty, naughty.
It’s okay. You can blame Adam.
Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 6 September 2016.
The Power of the Dark Sigh
With apologies to Adam Huber, of course. But come on, in a marketplace thriving on bad puns, how can anyone resist that kind of temptation? Just click, damn it. Do you feel lucky? Oh, right. Wrong film. Do not underestimate the power of the dark sigh.
• “The Empire Talks Smack”, 9 May 2016
• “The Empire Talks Smack — Part II”, 10 May 2016
• “The Empire Talks Smack — Part III”, 11 May 2016
• “The Empire Talks Smack — Part IV”, 12 May 2016
• “The Empire Talks Smack — Part V”, 13 May 2016
We will, of course, update as remaining installments post. (Promises, promises.)
(Wow, we actually remembered to update a post. Yes, it’s surprising. Yes, that’s pathetic. Leave it alone, smackhead.)
Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 11 May 2016. Modified w/apologies, of course.
Two Bugs in an Office with a Severed Head
You know, this time we don’t get to blame Adam; the white-collar rank and file would not have these problems if they had collective bargaining rights.
On the upside, the old lady was already dead; it’s not like the li’l bugger went on a spree.
Which raises another point about spree violence: Economic security might help reduce the number of incidents. So would good mental health benefits.
No, I don’t really have a plan for accomplishing all that, but, hey, if Bernie Sanders can make it this far without studying his own platform, it seems worth mentioning.
Yeah, you know, maybe I should just stick with bad puns and perverse vapidity for filler.
Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 4 May 2016.
Just a Distraction
There. There’s your filler, right there.
I passed on this ten days ago because I didn’t feel like writing any filler material, and come on, just how many crappy jokes can I make about the Buttmobile?
And if you would be so kind, please don’t ask what made me recall the poop joke.
Besides, you wouldn’t believe. You wouldn’t believe.
But I still get to blame Adam.
Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 8 April 2016.
Dick on Goats
The only reason I’m running with a juvenile, insensitive, obviously overused joke for a headline like that is because there just isn’t much to Jason Dick’s note on Beltway colloquialisms insofar as quoting enough of it to tempt you to click and read would pretty much require reproducing the post. Nonetheless, if you ever felt screwed like punch-line livestock for taking part in our civic process, well, nobody can actually answer the question, though there are certainly table scraps in the trough of the public discourse.
At least I didn’t say, “Don’t let it get your goat.”
Right. Anyway … I mean … never mind.
Dick, Jason. “HOH Word of the Week: Goat, Goat Food”. Heard on the Hill. Roll Call. 28 December 2015.
Not Quite the Fear of God, But Close
You know, few things are scarier.
I don’t know whether to go with Night Ranger or Rue McLanahan.
This is not a pickle to relish.
Didn’t see that one coming, did you?
Image note: Triptych ― Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 1 December 2015.
The Dominant Force
And with a setup like that ....
Something about gravity goes here, but we must caution against potential confusion. Gravity is an attractive force in general; that it happens to be what makes things go downhill has exactly nothing to do with Adam.
Or his great-grandpa.
Huber, Adam. “Ball or Nothing”. Bug Martini. 9 November 2015.
The Lesser of Buggy Quietudes
There is this: I don’t think “pastoral” is a proper adjective for an office scene.
No, that’s not a setup to a Max Weber joke. Then again, would that be Sheep Bug or Vicar Bug?
Either way, it does eventually involve killbots. And has nothing to do with either sheep or clergy.
That, and since we already know the name of the first single, what should we call the band? Adam and the _____? And no, we’re not rebooting 1977.
Oh, wait, I know: Huberphonic.
Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 2 November 2015.