Alcohol/Spirits

Your Morning Metal (Modern Day Cowboy)

Logo for the band Tesla

There did come a point at which it seems laughable to call it metal, yet we did. Still, we all had our favorites.

Stormy night, under jet black skies. Billy pulls into town. Thunder rolled and the lightnin’ bolts come crashin’ to the ground. Cold as ice, hard as stone as he walks into the room with another man who was feelin’ the same way; all Hell’s breakin’ loose. Bang, bang! Shoot ’em up! Bang, bang! Blow you away! It’s a showdown in a no man’s land for the cowboy of the modern day. Come on, sundown, don’t be hangin’ ’round, ’cause the cowboy will blow you away, yeah. Al Capone and Bad Boy Jones, one the wrong side of the law. Johnny Dee and his company, always first to the draw. Gangster lean, feelin’ so mean. Tryin’ to take more than their share, ’cause all they saw was ruling it all. The scent of blood was in the air. Bang, bang! Shoot ’em up! Bang, bang! Blow you away! It’s a showdown in a no man’s land for the cowboy of the modern day. Come on, sundown, don’t be hangin’ ’round, ’cause the cowboy will blow you away, yeah. So here we are, and we’ve come this far, but it’s only getting worse. Foreign lands with their terrorist demands, only cause the good to hurt. The USA, the USSR, with their six-guns to their side. I see the message written on the wall. Too much anger, deep inside. Bang, Bang! I’ll shoot ’em up. Bang, bang! Blow you away! It’s a showdown in a no man’s land for the cowboy of the modern day. Come on, sundown, don’t be hangin’ ’round, ’cause the cowboy will blow you away, yeah.

Tesla, “Modern Day Cowboy” (1986)

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A Post in Need of a Title

Okay, I burned up all my bad suggestions for what to call that drink, though I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to have the word “Startini” in it. Yeah, that’s how bad my riffs were.

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 8 April 2015.One thing I cannot stress enough, however―though it seems Adam already understands―is that it really helps to include an awesome panel with an image that can easily be lifted, which in turn makes it easy for people like us to fill our blogs with quick-hit posts that bring the artists some measure of free advertising.

Nonetheless, we might be looking at a requisite t-shirt.

And you know what that would mean, right?

A Doctor Who mashup, of course, from those folks who can’t help but litter social media with all sorts of not-quite imaginitive crossovers even more predictable than Adam’s title puns.

Not that I’m criticizing the puns. It’s a comedic form that is dying in the new age of thoroughly disconnected irrelevance about our increasingly connected human endeavor.

I mean, think of it this way: If you absolutely had to choose, would you prefer Bug Martini for the whole of eternity, or a replay of Arnold Schwarzeneggar’s film career?

That’s what I thought.

Sure, the former California governor has The Terminator, but Adam has the bit about Switzerland. And plenty of fallback material. Where does Schwarzeneggar go next? The Last Action Hero? Oh, wait, I know: Commando.

Oh. Damn. That’s right: Twins.

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Huber, Adam. “I Got a Drone to Pick”. Bug Martini. 8 April 2015.

—————. “Why I Love Switzerland”. 26 March 2015.

Why R’lyeh Sucks

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 1 April 2015.Sigh.

And then Adam had to go and ruin it. I mean, you’d think living in a world infested with Lovecraftian monsters would be … well, you know … interesting. In real life, we don’t beat them off with brooms; we just suck them in alleys. Elect them. I mean, elect them.

Damn it. Never mind.

You never understand.

Never!

God, why can’t you fucking understand!

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Huber, Adam. “Sink or Swim”. Bug Martini. 1 April 2015.

Enough to Make You Need a Stiff Drink

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 23 March 2015.If I say it isn’t what you think, well, it’s probably worse.

Watch out for the earworm. Or, rather, that ought to be your first hint. I suppose the problem there is that then it really is what you think.

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Huber, Matt. “Way Down in Chokeomo”. Bug Martini. 23 March 2015.

Our Best Wishes for the Happiest of Genocide Days

Easter in the nation's capital was a dark and gloomy day with a chill breeze blowing, but U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt and Mrs. Eleanor Roosevelt.

In honor of our American Feast of the Genocide, how about some thematically-related cartoons?

Detail of 'Bug Martini' by Adam Huber, 28 November 2014.Adam Huber leads off, giving thanks to the internet that he might post tomorrow’s cartoon today, that in turn he might spend tomorrow either hung over or tryptocomatose.

Lalo Alcaraz, like many others, reflects on the true meaning of Thanksgiving.

• Speaking of true meanings, Adam Huber took a shot at it earlier this week.

• Or maybe Brian McFadden puts forward a more appropriate reflection on the true meaning of “Thanksgiving Day”.

―No, really. Steve Benen offered a vignette earlier this week explaining one of the great political controversies surrounding the idea of “Thanksgiving Day” that is worth the two minutes it takes the average literate American to read. It is also where we got the photo of FDR on Easter. Go figure; go fish.

Detail of cartoon by Jen Sorensen, 25 November 2014, via Daily Kos Comics.Jen Sorensen attempts to summarize the crazy, tinfoil relative who reminds us why we need to keep the fact of attempted genocide in mind as a fundamental component of our Thanksgiving Day rituals.

Reuben Bolling offers a glimpse at Genocide Day Thanksgiving Day in Chagrin Falls.

• #TBT the time Adam Huber won the Genocide Day Cartoon Parade by starting in April.

In re the above, to the one we promise that is the last of the Huber cartoons for today. Prolific about genocide? Genocide-prolific? Can we just go with genolific? At any rate, our apologies for this post in general; we’ve known it was coming for months, having filed this cartoon away for this year’s celebration.

• We might note that Matt Tarpley managed an actual feelgood cartoon in honor of “Thanksgiving Day”. It is also worth pointing out that apparently Death closes his eyes when swinging. And yet, Death bats a thousand.

• Not to disparage the fine artists above, but Zach Weiner deserves some sort of award for skipping the holiday edition altogether. Thus, a cartoon from earlier this week that reminds us to give thanks for consumerism, undereducation, and paranoia, which really are the thematic components of what we Americans make of this day.

And while the wannabe patriots and pragmatists might moan about how people just won’t forget history and celebrate the glorious triumph of all that came after the attempted genocide, it is equally appropriate to remind them to go screw and give thanks that nobody is trading them death blankets as an act of biological warfare disguised in alleged commerce.

Otherwise, give thanks like you would for any other day, that we are still here and get to experience it, and perhaps take a moment to wonder why we put ourselves through this ritual that nobody seems to like, since we’re always muttering about the Turkey Pardon, the banality of parades, fretting over how to get the best Black Friday deals (Hint: Do your shopping last Monday, at least until next year when the new statistics show us which day actually has the best prices), or complaining that anyone would spend this miserable day of family gatherings—over tasteless ritual food and football games that more often than not have nothing to do with your favorite team—getting drunk.

But make sure to raise a wrist for genocide.

Another Quote: Cold Soul Edition (Rape Frontier Mix)

Detail of the Seal of the State of Alaska

“In its short history as a state, Alaska has earned an unnerving epithet: It is the rape capital of the U.S.”

Sara Bernard

Really, I … I … I just can’t do this one, today. I’m sorry.

In its short history as a state, Alaska has earned an unnerving epithet: It is the rape capital of the U.S. At nearly 80 rapes per 100,000, according to the FBI Uniform Crime Report, Alaska’s rape rate is almost three times the national average; for child sexual assault, it’s nearly six times. And, according to the 2010 Alaska Victimization Survey, the most comprehensive data to date, 59 percent of Alaskan women have been victims of sexual assault, intimate partner violence, or both.

But those numbers, say researchers, just skim the surface. Since sex crimes are generally underreported, and may be particularly underreported in Alaska for cultural reasons. “Those numbers are conservative,” says Ann Rausch, a program coordinator at Alaska’s Council on Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault. “They’re still staggering.”

The causes of the violence are complex and entrenched. Government officials, law enforcement personnel, and victim advocates note the state’s surfeit of risk factors, from an abundance of male-dominated industries, like oil drilling and the military, to the state’s vast geography, with many communities that have no roads and little law enforcement. “There are so many factors that tip the scale for Alaska,” says Linda Chamberlain, executive director of the Alaska Family Violence Prevention Project. Not the least among them: the lack strong law enforcement presence, or support services of any kind, in remote towns like Tanana. “It’s easier for perpetrators to isolate their victims and not get caught. And for people not to get help.”

(Bernard)

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Bernard, Sara. “Rape Culture in the Alaskan Wilderness”. The Atlantic. 11 September 2014.

A Note From Lyme Regis

Greetings arrive from across an ocean, as D&C tour the Jurassic Coast of southwest England. The brief notes with the picture:

• “Real ale in every pub is a worthy goal.”

• “Thatcher’s Old Rascal cider (est. 1904, so … no, not that Thatcher) and Palmer’s Dorset Gold real ale. Cobb Arms, Lyme Regis.”

Thatcher's Old Racal, Palmer's Dorset Gold; Cobb Arms, Lhyme Regis, West Dorset, England. 23 June 2014.

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Image Credit: ©ADH, 2014

The Curse of Seeing: I Did, Therefore You Must, Also

Do you really want to know?If you really, really want to know, Dave Segal explains:

At first I thought the bar staff was having a laugh, but looking around at the clientele and knowing the general horrid level of care that many Clevelanders take with their bodies, I wasn’t entirely sure if this was comedy or a genuine deal.

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Segal, Dave. “Today in Irresponsible Signage”. Slog. 16 June 2014.