Illustration

Two Years Late (Buggin’ Weiner Mix)

Adam Huber, Bug Martini, 25 August 2014.So … right. I happened across this detail that I set aside on a different hard drive, for some reason, a couple years ago, and never posted. Or something like that. Never blogged, at least.

I wonder what the hell I did with it?

But, yeah, anyway, I found it the other day while looking for a different picture that I apparently never did upload, though I couldn’t tell you why, nor even remember what image I was looking for. Never mind.

Don’t blame Adam; I’m sure it’s a fascinating story.

No, seriously, I couldn’t tell you.

Actually, why not take a stab with something about weiner and frosting.

Clickbait, sure, but it’s worth it.

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Image note: Detail of Bug Martini by Adam Huber, 25 August 2014.

The Conscience of North Carolina

Kamon Dreams and Stranger Things: Detail of frame from 'FLCL' episode 5, "Brittle Bullet".

In addition to the obvious, that we are talking about North Carolina, here, there is another aspect we might pause to consider:

After a third-grader tearfully recounted how another boy had called him “gay” during gym class, teacher Omar Currie chose to raise the issue during story time by reading his students a fable about a prince who falls in love with another prince, ending with a happily-ever-after royal wedding.

That decision in April ignited a public outcry from some parents in the rural hamlet of Efland, North Carolina, resulting in Currie’s resignation this week from a job he loved. The assistant principal who loaned Currie her copy of “King & King” has also resigned, and outraged parents are pressuring administrators at the Orange County Schools to ban the book.

“When I read the story, the reaction of parents didn’t come into my mind,” Currie, 25, said Tuesday. “In that moment, it just seemed natural to me to read the book and have a conversation about treating people with respect. My focus then was on the child, and helping the child.”

Currie knows firsthand what it is like to be bullied. Growing up gay and black in a small town in the eastern part of the state, his memories of middle school are of being a frequent target for teasing and slurs.

(Biesecker)

Right. Welcome to North Carolina. To the one, we shouldn’t be surprised.

To the other, please consider a cetain symbolic value. Twenty-three years ago, Oregonians went to the ballot box and rejected Measure 9, a vicious anti-gay initiative. That year, voters in Colorado passed a similar measure. Amendment 2, as the Colorado version was known, died in federal court, and conservatives still complain about the judicial activism of saying a popular vote in a state cannot overturn the U.S. Constitution. In Oregon, though? The fight in Oregon orbited a library book. To be specific, if Lesléa Newman’s Heather Has Two Mommies was not censored, then a Christian’s equal rights were under siege.

So for all we might recall and raise a glass to the efforts of zealots whose animus has driven gay rights all the way to the marriage equality threshold, it is also important to remember that the running electoral firefight leading from local supremacist ordinances all the way up to questions of constitutional amendments and open insurrection two decades later all started with a book that bigoted parents didn’t like.

There is, then, some symbolic value in this latest tale whispering up out of Efland, North Carolina.

‘Round and ’round, back to where we started.

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Biesecker, Michael. “Teacher resigns after reading students book about gay couple “. St. Louis Post-Dispatch. 16 June 2015.

Weekend Metal (Beneath the Wheel)

Thrash Zone: Detail of cover art by Sam Leyja for D.R.I., 1989

Yeah, it’s just one of those songs. Absolutely … perfect.

Beneath the wheel! Go! Don’t be late! First one out of the starting gate! Run! Be on time! First one to cross the finish line! Swim ahead of the school; if you have to, cheat! If you never slow down you’ll never be beat! If you lose in life it’s because you lagged! Keep up with the traffic or you’ll get dragged down beneath the wheel! Go! Don’t be tardy! Fell asleep last night at a party! Run! Make the grade! School’s a job! You don’t get paid! Run at the head of the pack, be the leader in this race! Stay up front Just in case! If you lose in life it’s because you lagged! Keep up with the traffic or you’ll get dragged down beneath the wheel! Don’t play child’s games, they’re just a waste of mind! Study every night or you might fall behind! Dragged down beneath the wheel! Stop! You can’t win! But you can always catch up in the end!

D.R.I., “Beneath the Wheel” (1989)

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Your Morning Metal (Daylight Dreamers)

Detail of cover art for 'No Exit' by Fates Warning (Metal Blade, 1988)

There is always hope.

Daylight dreamers awaken on deserts of desperation. Lonely lives learn to live on islands of isolation. Surrounded by violent oceans of hate and hopeless sorrows, daylight dreamers envision tranquil seas in safe tomorrows. Dreaming through the darkened day, along tempest-torn strands, desperately grasping the grains fo hope that flit through our hands. As they fall we tighten our hold while the waves claim the final few. Taken without ceremony, they drift out of view. Washed away with the tieds of time; slipped through our fingers as dreams do.

Fates Warning, “The Ivory Gate of Dreams ― III. Daylight Dreamers” (1988)

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Your Morning Metal (One Foot in Hell)

Detail of front cover art for 'Twisted into Form' by Forbidden, 1990, by Kent Mathieu.

In a strange way, the caricatures driving rebellion in metal-laden explorations of conscience do not seem so exaggerated today. Once upon a time, we argued about listening to the music. And it feels both strange and familiar, perhaps the one for the other. That is to say, the shape of these arguments going on today, about boys wearing skirts and girls having babies really does feel like nothing more than the heavy metal wars all over again, and this time for higher stakes. It isn’t fair, I don’t think, to say that we got it, understood the mere fact of caricaturization, but they didn’t. Still, that’s how it feels. We built monstrous, shadowy legends to represent the hatred we feared. They really do seem to be dressing up in it. Or, at least, that’s how it feels.

Regression! Progressive downfall! Grabbing what’s there and still wanting it all! On words they fall. Obsession! Religioius belief! Worshipped on Sunday, forgotten all week! One foot in Hell. Taking the truth from “The Book” and then twisting it, feeling they’re touched by the Lord. Loving their neighbor, yet tasting the flavor of sin but seeing no wrong. Cramming the wisdom that righteously flows in them, walking the crooked straight line. Closing of minds to these innocent crimes, now they’re deaf, dumb, and blind! One foot in Hell! Wretches! This pitiful man, preaching and teaching with Cross in hand. On words he falls. Into his final mistake; this fool was fooled, it was all give and take. One foot in hell. I look to the Heavens and call the Lord’s name. Praying on my knees, with much faith, and little doubt. I have a yearning for the answers to my calling in life. Am I wasting away on spirits of myth? Am I questioning the Lord’s prayer? Is this unholy temptation or my final realization? Please, God, if you’re there for me, give me wisdom for faith. Help me, Lord! God help me! Show me the way; point to the light. Is there a Heaven after I die? What is a truth, where does it lie? Give me the answer! Bare my soul, naked and cold! End confusion, shed my last tear! Take me, Lord! Open your Gates! End my deep sorrow! One foot in Hell. Who’s answering the bell?

Forbidden, “One Foot in Hell” (1990)

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Counterproductive

Anonymity is not without its value.

And it is also true that vandalism really does suck, and is a poor method for political communication in the industrialized world.

Illustration by Steven Weissman, 8 April 2015, for The Stranger.Those two businesses are owned by some really nice people (one of whom I see busting his ass every morning at 5:30 a.m., trying to make a living) who had to spend a ton of money to hire the graffiti squad to come clean up your spray-paint vomit. If you’d seen the disappointment in their faces, I’d like to think you’d be ashamed of yourself. Here’s the good news: Guess who has really stepped up patrols in the neighborhood? That’s right, the fuzz! They took a keen interest in your most recent act of stupidity. I hope they arrest you and make you drink your own paint.

(Anonymous)

But we have a problem in Seattle; the police department is a brutal, murderous gang. People really are pissed off about this. And while it is true that vandalism really sucks, it makes exactly no sense whatsoever to hope “the fuzz” go out of their way to make things worse. Advocating further police brutality gains nobody anything. Well, that’s not exactly true. The advocate can feel empowered by calling for other people to commit criminal violence. Then again, this only further harms a community already reeling under the burden of a police racket.

You, Anonymous, are part of the problem.

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Anonymous. “I, Anonymous”. The Stranger. 8 April 2015.

A Brief Note on Misogyny (ReGrBl Pinup Edition)

Detail of illustration via ReGrBl, 17 March 2015.

Many thanks to the folks at ReGrBl; you have a fine story going on. I will not be continuing to follow it. Really, it’s the hateful regard for women that shows up to ruin pretty much any excuse for a holiday that does it. The pinup girl is a time-honored tradition, though not so ancient as the need to treat women as if their only purpose in the world is to sexually stimulate others.

And the thing is that while the actual ReGrBl story is fun, following along is starting to feel like taking part in a toxic community experience; it’s not something I enjoy being part of. And let me be clear, this isn’t some feeling that I might be taking part in something wrong; this is straightforward revulsion. I’ve tried cracking jokes in order to look past it, but no, in the end it isn’t a question of whether or not one is participating in someone else’s misogyny; rather, it is a question of how long one intends to turn a blind eye to bigotry.

Good luck. Thank you. Good-bye.

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Image note: Detail of pinup girl illustration via ReGrBl, 17 March 2015.

Jonjak’s Magnificient Natural Whore Revue

You know how every once in a while, someone for some reason decides to remind you that this or that isn’t natural? You know, gay sex, a man wearing a skirt, women with unshaved legs and no man on top of her … yeah. Anyway:Detail: Illustration of bottlenose dolphin by Brian Britigan for The Stranger, 11 February 2015.

Female bottlenose dolphins use their snouts as dildos on other females. These activities don’t always coincide with a low availability of males, but no surprises there. Apparently when the ladies are bored and desperate to get off, terms such as “motherhood fantasies” or “lifelong commitment” mean absolutely nothing to them.

So if I tell you that Marti Jonjak’s article for The Stranger, on “Whores of the Animal Kingdom” only goes downhill from there, well, right.

Then again, that’s probably what makes it worth reading, and why you should keep the link at hand to deliver unto the next person ejaculating that stuff about what is and isn’t “natural”.

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Jonjak, Marti. “Whores of the Animal Kingdom”. The Stranger. 11 February 2015.

An Appeal to General Decency

I, Anonymous writes:Detail of illustration by Steven Weissman for The Stranger, 11 February 2015.

Dear worthless hipster dude who called my friend a “fat cunt”: My friend came into your bar and was overcharged. She spoke up for herself, and you called her a “fat cunt.”

The rest is pretty obvious, but click the link if you’re the sort who needs a refresher.

For the rest of us, it should suffice to say I’ll take any excuse to post a Steven Weissman illustration of, er … ah … well, yeah, a fat cunt.

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Anonymous. “I, Anonymous”. The Stranger. 11 February 2015.

Inspired

Detail of illustration by Raf Salazar for ReGrBl, 14 February 2015.

We must apologize.

For reasons pertaining to and derived from the general sloth of any given weekend, as well as our general disdain toward Valentine’s Day, we missed a perfect opportunity to voice our solidarity with all the other wankers out there who don’t appreciate the annual reminder that we are defined according to who we are partnered with.

As such, we missed the opportunity to make a bad pun about respawning with Valerie.

Or to hum along with nostalgia:

I’ll tell you now, and I won’t tell you twice, where when and how I got some bad advice. I never thought I could handle a girl with guns. And let me tell you, you can bet that I’m not the only one.

Or, rather, just because someone gave us an excuse: Ladies and gentelemen, Tommy Shaw:

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Salazar, Raf. “Happy Valentine’s Day”. ReGrBl. 14 December 2015.