One of Those Things (Buggin’ Mix)

With all due respect ....

Sorry, I couldn’t resist.^α

• Detail of Adam Huber, “A Rude Forsakening”. Bug Martini. 23 October 2014.

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^α Speaking of things I just can’t resist at the moment, something about “Buggin'” goes here.

Dangerously Bad Journalism

Okay, this is pretty straightforward. See if you can spot the functional problem with Shayna Jacobs’ report about an accused repeat sex assailant:

In a second case, Scott allegedly forced himself onto a former girlfriend, then sexually abused her in her home Sept. 21, according to the criminal complaint.

He then allegedly overwhelmed her with dozens of menacing text messages, demanding she withdraw a complaint about the ordeal. In one he said “he was going to kill himself if she did not drop the charges,” according to court papers.

Prosecutors said Scott also followed a woman into her E. 11th St. building, pulled up her dress and grabbed her about 11:45 p.m. on June 2.

“There is also surveillance video from that incident as well as positive identification from a lineup … There is a great deal of evidence against this defendant,” Tracy said.

It was not immediately clear how authorities connected Scott to the earlier incidents.

An Exorcism: I Read It, So You Must, Too

To the one, trivia can be fun.

To the other, it is occasionally a bit unsettling that, well, right. I mean, somebody had to write it down.

Consider it this way: Todd Van Luling’s HuffPo article about “5 Plot Holes You Never Noticed In ‘Star Wars'” is, in its own way, kind of fascinating. Sure, it’s pedantically snobby, and presumes Star Wars viewers are complete morons, but it is not an endeavor without merit. The amount of work it takes to fill the column inches trying to make this sort of stuff sound intellectual complicated should not be understated.

Or perhaps that isn’t fair; those of us who have had the whole thirty-seven years to watch and dream about these films until we’re sick of them are accustomed to this sort of trivial addiction. You know, like that one kid we all knew who collected everything Star Wars, and then used his collection to pay for college. Oh, wait, actually that was kind of smart. Never mind.

But for the youngest generation, who arrived after the prequel trilogy, this stuff might be news. After all, they weren’t there to hear everyone grumbling about the lack of continuity between the two episode blocs as they walked back to their cars after the show.

Then again, in this economy, with a jobless recovery, who can blame a guy for taking what work he can get?

Again, that is probably unfair. But articles like these always recall a curious episode from over a decade ago, before CNN Headline News became the HLN monstrosity you find playing on the flatscreens in a bourgeois McDonald’s. Late autumn, 2003 or so. There’s a war on. The phrase, “I died a little inside”, had not yet risen to fashionable heights. Or maybe it had. A new young reporter gets his first big shot on the air, and he’s stuck doing a report on which sweaters will look best on your small dog during the Christmas season. Which, in turn, is enough to inspire a recollection of the old Wayne Cotter joke about masturbating a fish.^α

We should probably take it easy on Van Luling. To the one, it’s a job. To the other, yeah, it’s also just a bit creepy. Flip a coin.

Our apologies, though, Mr. Van Luling. And, honestly? If you can explain to me why anyone in the Universe would wear their hair like Leia’s, that would be a piece of trivia worth more than a Claven on a barstool.^β

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^α What, you want trivia? Find that joke. It’s sublime.

^β It’s called mixing metaphors, an exercise that, as this example shows, should be undertaken with great caution, and only under extremely necessary circumstances. Otherwise it ends up looking like that.

Van Luling, Todd. “5 Plot Holes You Never Noticed In ‘Star Wars'”. The Huffington Post. 21 October 2014.