A Note to @AllisonHiromi

Let us start with a tweet from one Allison Hiromi:

Left @DownHouseHTX in tears after GM called up & asked the bartender to hand me the phone. He proceeded to curse a me & ask me to leave. Wow

So … a customer got kicked out of a bar in Houston and cried. So what?

Well, it isn’t every day that bawling gets one into the local newspaper:

The Down House, Houston, TXIt may be the first-ever case of its kind: A diner was kicked out of a restaurant not for something she did, but apparently for something she said online ….

…. One of the restaurant’s managers, who wasn’t working that night, read the “twerp” comment on Twitter. He called the bar and asked to speak to the customer. Over the phone, he asked her to leave.

“Any business is allowed to set the tone of their establishment,” Cusack said. “If you go to someone’s house and start calling them names, I wouldn’t really expect to stay too much longer after that.”

The kicked-out customer is Allison Hiromi. On her Twitter page, she described herself as opinionated, extroverted and feisty.

After being ask to leave the restaurant, she tweeted: “Left Down House in tears after the GM called up and asked the bartender to hand me the phone. He proceeded to curse at me and ask me to leave.”

A lot of people on Twitter are talking about what happened.

One person said they’ll never go to Down House again, and another customer called it a disappointment.

A third person wrote, “I think Down House owes Allison Hiromi a big apology. Welcome to a PR nightmare.”

An editorial note, then, to Ms. Hiromi: Shut the hell up you pathetic moron.

Let me be clear: I don’t work in bars. I have worked in food service before, but there are certain customs around taverns, bars, and pubs that don’t exist in the fast-food pizza place at the mall. It is in these customs that we find the problem.

“If you go to someone’s house and start calling them names,” explained Down House manager Chris Cusack, “I wouldn’t really expect to stay too much longer after that.”

@AllisonHiromi in tearsNow, when it comes to bartenders, waitresses, and other refreshment specialists, the number one rule in the traditions of these establishments is that you make friends with the people who serve you drinks. There are many ways to accomplish this, since it’s not necessarily a deep and abiding friendship either of you are after. First, and quite simply, tip each time you get a drink. A buck a beer generally works, and seems with consistent repetition to deeply impress beverage delivery specialists. Friendly, accommodating, non-harassing banter sometimes helps, too.

But it is not one of the harder things to figure in this Universe that if you insult a bartender or waitress, trouble is likely to follow.

Ms. Hiromi, this is why you need to shut the hell up. So you’re “opinionated, extroverted, and feisty”. What, do you somehow think that entitles you to something?

You can’t figure out the basic customs of drinking in a tavern, bar, or pub? This is why you’re a pathetic moron. If you need to make a point about customer service, the best way to do that is concisely describe the problem. If you need to call people stupid names—really, who says “twerp”, anymore?—you do it where your bartender, waitress, &c., aren’t going to hear. Or read. Or otherwise find out in any directly attributable sense.

If some regular walks into the pub and says to the bartender, “You know, I was at a party last week, and Alison called you a twerp,” the bartender is going to wonder why this person is bothering to tell him.

But if you, Ms. Hiromi, write it down, and publish it next to your name and photograph, it is not just the same as calling the bartender a twerp to his or her face. That can be between the two of you, if you are subtle—and, yes, we know subtlety is a faculty often lost on feisty, opinionated extroverts. But you put your name and face with it, and published it for the whole world to read. In real-time. Did you think nobody would notice? Did you think that your obsessive tweeting went unread? Obviously not, to judge by the amount you interact with fellow Twits.

Now, certainly, you’re not a politician, Ms. Hiromi. Indeed, someone as plugged into the network as you are has most assuredly heard of random people losing their jobs over something they blogged, or a picture taken twenty years ago that they didn’t know existed until someone posted it in a porn newsgroup and someone else in HR happened to see it.

You know, Ms. Hiromi, that people read your tweets.

But you apparently didn’t think it could come back to you?

You’re in tears because you’re not allowed to insult a bartender on a world stage without being asked to leave the establishment?

Shut the hell up, you pathetic moron.


  1. Tip someone a buck for opening a fucking beer bottle? Fuck bartenders. You want to make money, find a better job.

    1. One might suggest that if you want to drink, then, just go to the grocery store, buy your beer, and drink it at home.

      Or maybe they don’t have taps and casks where you are. I’ve found that tipping gets a better pour and faster refills.

      I mean, can you imagine if all the bartenders took your advice, and there was nobody left to take the cap off your beer bottle? Or sell you the beer in the first place?

      Yeah. Just go to the store, buy your beer, and drink at home. Watch a game. It’s easy enough.

      But if you really, really want to go to a bar, treat the staff how you want. Just don’t melt into tears when they don’t kiss your ass.

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